Mum told a white lady we know that I was going to UCSD, after she asked how I was doing in school. And the lady said "that's great, my children couldn't get in. I guess they're not the right color." I stood there thinking to myself, did she really just degrade all my hard work in school to the color of my skin? Does she think I was admitted merely because I'm Hispanic? Yeah probably(:
this babe was filthy & lonely at the thrift store but I saved her. hope I get some film soon for this & my other Polaroid as well. #polaroid690
I haven't read a proper book since October & that pisses me off. I'm gonna c my doctor soon & tell her Citalopram isn't doing it for me. I've reread the first five pages of this like 3 times now ha-ha.
Eileen Cowin presented her pictures in pairs so that the viewer could create a story for themselves. Usually photography as art doesn't appeal me, but hers is effective and self-revealing.
someone told me depression is "like an emptiness" and not as I described it, "being dead." she questioned my intentions for so openly speaking of it, and even suggested I think of what it is I am not doing to stop it.
And I thought to myself, "do I, who has lived with this silent terror half my life, not KNOW what it is I feel? Does this girl know what it is and what it isn't, while I just sit begging for attention?" Surely the day-to-day dread I feel for doing anything isn't on purpose. Is the world as colorless and insipid? Does everyone become unsettled as easily as I do and do we all suddenly abhor everything? Yesterday I went to places that I thought would make me happy. As I walked I had to suddenly stop because my vision was blurred by tears. I had no reason to cry. The sky was bright and the winter leaves under my feet were like those hanged on paintings in museums; but I just wanted to be somewhere else, alone in the dark. Because when I am alone in the darkness feeling nothing, I cannot tell it is not right.
It is only when I am in situations in which others smile, and I don't, that I realize I am depressed. It is only when no song, no artist, no film, no book and no food appeals me that I realize I am depressed. It is only when I am speaking with someone but inside my mind is running, that I realize I am depressed.
I didn't choose depression, I just live with it. Some days it is harder, and some days I feel fine. But never have I seen depression as an asset or as a reason to why others must approach me. I take my depression and I turn it into words, sometimes I turn it into cheap art. Why? Not because I am looking for affection nor because I am looking for advice, I do not need either. I do it because this is the illness I live with. It is not a mood cured by gentle words on beautiful imagery.
get things done, you better not mess with Major Tom inspired by one of my favorite BOWIE looks to celebrate his first Death Day. Death Day is what they celebrate in the afterlife according to me. I bet he's having an amazing party I can almost feel his beautiful smile.
there are people who see our pain and do not understand it. that is because they don't know you like we do, they haven't felt you running through their veins. they don't know how you're always there regardless of time and day. perhaps they've never known how it is to be alone, but I do.
David, you never knew, but you were the cure to my inner gloom. The only way I could shut my restless mind was by drowning my dark thoughts with your voice, which was the sun in my winter. The only way I could gather energy was to pretend I was dancing with you. The only person who I could trust with my feelings was you, because in your songs you showed me you already knew. You knew me better than I knew myself, and in that way you helped me grow. I found courage through your music, I met life through your songs, but most important of all is I found a friend. A real friend. I finally knew what it was like to feel comforted and I finally understood what it was like to be accepted. When you came into my life everything was changing, you helped me accept that. You changed me David Bowie, if not for you I wouldn't be who I am today. Thank you immensely, you own my heart. #bowielives
breathless and with a tiny tear on the corner of my eye. this took me out of reality for a couple minutes, I knew for the while I watched this that Bowie was alive and everything in the universe was exactly as it is meant to be. There is life after death and Bowie runs through my veins. #noplan#davidbowie#helives
this is what guitar cases are ACTUALLY meant for I have three times as many records as this & I don't know where to place them lol (this happens every month when I get an existential crisis btw)
raining, an icon walks down the street.| catch me while I'm still alive, y'know it's a trend that legends die
THE DEATH OF BEING; inner isolation and other remarks upon being dead, is a nonfiction thought-provoking book exploring the effects of depression. It includes an introduction, two essays, poems, illustrations and a short horror story. It is a self-published gloomy work of art by a 19 year old college student who has been writing for years. Advanced in English and reading, the author used to publish on wattpad where her stories quickly gathered attention and praise. Here is her first official publication for $12 in the United States and $15 internationally (free shipping). DM or Comment below for any information or questions .
here's a #THROWBACK some of you may remember, once upon a time my hobby was to dress up as my idols and imitate them. It was incredibly fun. My teen days are going to be over relatively soon, maybe I should do a last one before then #lostinspace
I love who I am inside and out, I'm not afraid to say or show it. But I hate it when men take my confidence as an invitation to flirt or comment on my appearance. I didn't ask for commentary, or "friendship." I've never been interested in relationships, I've never wanted to have one. I'm too busy focusing on me to focus on you, so find someone else to court will ye?! I'm not fucking interested in you or him or anyone. Consider me chaste, I am just like Isaac Newton, I'll never give myself to another human. Humans are too insignificant for me.
I am at a loss for words and deeply hurt by the news. I can hardly believe she's gone when she was as strong and beautiful as ever. Death really is sudden and without warning. I hope Carrie had a peaceful passing and I hope she knew how much she means to many of us. 🥀
my book THE DEATH OF BEING; inner isolation and other remarks upon being dead, is completed!! I just have to put it altogether & laminate the front/back.
It is a nonfiction thought-provoking book exploring the effects of depression. Includes an introduction, two essays, poems, illustrations and a short horror story.❣️ you can order one now! $12 in the US & $15 internationally both with free shipping. The first lovely fiends to order one will also receive either an ANDY WARHOL postcard or a collector's card! I accept SNAPCASH + PayPal comment below if you have any questions & DM if you'd like one xx
It's XMAS EVE here but this space cowgirl wishes you a very merry Christmas filled with luv! please take some time to think of all the refugees who won't be home for Christmas and maybe even send them some prayers or DONATE??! To a refugee charity
a wet beatlemaniac dream what's yer fav Beatle album? Mine is Rubber Soul + Abbey Road
"At the still point of the turning world.
Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascend nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance." TS Eliot
He is where the rebel waltz is and he constantly sings and he constantly swings.
last day of astronomy for this bitch, what a cool trip it's been, so long to my hot professor + classmate.
a sweaty me yesterday after walking home, really only posting bc the background music + I'm outside the DMV hungry and bored 🙃
**"A Girl Like You" by Edwyn Collins plays in the background**
bought the LAST ticket to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony Live. Absolutely stunning, so happy I got to go. Beethoven is my second favorite composer and hearing his music performed live is too beautiful to describe! I'm astounded
my day just went from eh to EEEEK ! I'm so in LUV with this album (and Abel) + I can't wait to get my autograph in that mailbox
4 75 1
LUKE SKYWALKER, the cutest and sweetest farm boi.
too distracted with the life I'm trying to paint || 4give me 4 posting 2 selfies in 1 day #weekndvibe
I smile bc in my dreams Harrison Ford is my boyfriend, he even takes snapchat selfies with me. (I'm not wearing black lipstick??)
throughout the year and life music has always been with me, thankful for all the records I've been able to acquire this year.
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