I'll remember you by the spoonfuls of peanut butter you would have ready for my brother and me as soon as we came to your house, as kids. I'll remember you by your beautiful garden, and the vegetables & fruits you would grow. I'll remember you by the delicious meals and soups you would make that got passed down in the family. I'll remember you by all the flowers I walk past, remembering to appreciate them like the way you did when I would try getting you to walk with me to Dairy Queen, I'll remember you by how much you LOVED ice cream and had to have an ice cream cone. I'll remember you by all the good things, and how, although you were already in severe stages of alz at this point, you always needed to make sure you had your purse. I'll remember you when I have tea, I'll think of all your beautiful tea sets you had collected in your house and how I'd make it for you. I'll never be able to forgive myself for not calling you after starting my transition to introduce you to me now, the me I've always been, whether or not you'd remember I just wanted to tell you one time, I'm sorry I never called to tell you who I am now but I thought about it almost every damn day and now it's ripping me apart. Thank you for all that you've taught me. Thank you for the immense, immense amount of patience you taught me. Thank you for teaching me how just singing can take you from a moment and transcend time into a better moment of effortless bliss. Thank you for teaching me unconditional love, how to actually take care of another human being, not just the superficial things but seeing the truth and stilling rolling with whatever happens or is said, thank you for teaching me that no anger or argument is worth holding onto, thank you for being my greatest teacher in my life, I'm going to be missing you for all of my life and I love you more than anything. I wish I would've heard your voice one last time, but I'm grateful for this video. I love you always. #grammy#transmenofinstagram#ftm#restinpeace#mygreatgrandma#imissyou#transman#transguysofig#artist#artwork#alzheimers#alz#femaletomale#losangeles#wv#alzheimersawareness#hilarityforcharity#greatgrandma#iloveyou
This comparison is wild to me, and I dislike filling my instagram with selfies, but these have to do with my transition process and progress and I know if I don't post it now, then I never will, but I want to talk about a word I say a lot, perceptions. As a trans person (or gender fluid/non-binary person) you come in direct contact with people and their perceptions of you on a regular basis, maybe a little more often than most people. You see how strange it can be, when you have people calling you by the way you perceive yourself, in my case "he/him", and then out of no where, someone can hit you with a "she" or "her" and if you don't identify with that and haven't heard those words for a while it can bring you down from a long high you've been riding, but what you have to realize is, people respond to you, by what they've experienced in their lives, their own projections of their experiences onto you, their own angles and perspectives of the way they view the world and you, and although in the moment it can hurt, and damage the ego, it isn't a fight about you, something I'm still trying to accept and learn. People projecting their reality onto you, it doesn't HAVE to be your reality. The way your life happens, the way it flows, it's all up to you. I wanted to also talk about perceptions, because look at this picture as a prime example, many could perceive I was happy on the left, months before being on any hormones at all, compared to the right photo from just a few weeks ago, but I can assure you I am so much happier now and confident now, and trust me, it's something you have to work on every single day, because I can also assure you, I was severely unhappy in the left photo and was dating someone who wasn't right for me and continually drained me, I got so low. So just remember that everyone's perceptions of you aren't always going to reflect the genuine identity of your soul, the genuine reality of you. #transmenofinstagram#ftm#blueeyes#mustache#transisbeautiful#transman#transboy#transguy#discoverla#transformation#transgender#transguysofig#progress#tboy#artist#lgbtqia#woke#protecttranslives#protecttranskids#transmasculine#transmale
happy Mother's Day here is a picture of my mom & she deserves endless likes, biggest pain in the ass and angel at the same time, we have our issues but I truly don't know where I'd be without her in my life. No matter what I'm doing or where I'm at in my life, I'm always hoping my mom is happy and healthy. I haven't seen her in almost 2 years now, she wasn't accepting of my transition at all at first but now she'll text me and address me as Jax, she's really come around for me and I know I've never been an easy kid. I just want my mom to be happy & I'm grateful and lucky to have her. I've learned things from her I never knew I picked up like simple things in cooking food for myself, but never realized they were ingrained in me until I was moving around Los Angeles and having to do those things. Her happiness is one of the most important things, and if you see her today in West Virginia please give her a hug or say something kind, because I know she's missing me and worrying constantly, just give her a little piece of mind or small kindness if you see her today, I'd greatly appreciate it. #happymothersday
tw- needle/ my 9 months on T is coming up in a week so here is a little video of me doing my subcutaneous shot since I haven't posted a video like this for eons, also this album is fucking brilliant & I 10/10 recommend it. I'm really proud of myself and my strength I've had throughout my transition, doing this all on my own, like I'm sure plenty of my other siblings of the transgender community have, I've lived in 4 different places in LA in the time span of a year and a half and I'm so proud of myself for never getting discouraged, with my transition, with my art, with trying to maintain fit. To my siblings of this community who are struggling, I promise you it's going to get better, I know it sounds cliche right now, but I promise you that a positive mindset will take you very far in your life, when you can find that light from within when you are in the darkest times of your life, I promise you that you'll win, but the trick is, you may have to do that more than just ONE time, it may get repetitive, but you have to KEEP finding that light, you have to KEEP re-motivating yourself, you have to KEEP going, KEEP failing, fail 10 times, don't be afraid of failing, because failing will TEACH you, you will grow into an expert, of whatever field it is, that you are genuinely trying to win over.. and I promise you, that you will succeed, with whatever you do, with whatever you put your mind to, if you keep this mindset and keep feeding your mind positive/motivating fuel, constantly training it to think only the positive, only the things to be grateful for and happy for & please don't EVER give up, times are very hard and we WILL get through this, together. Love always. #ftm#transmenofig#guyswithtattoos#tattooedguys#shotday#manicmonday#khalid#americanteen#greatfuckingalbum#anothersadlovesong#transman#transguy#testosterone#hands#tattoos#musiclovers#lawsofattraction#gratitude#appreciation#postivethinking#lgbtqia#illgowithyou#notalone#together#wearestrong#lovetrumpshate#protecttranslives#protecttranskids#translivesmatter#dontgiveup
8 months on testosterone today "..In your heart of hearts, you've said, I'm gonna pull my own strings. I say to you, the reason that you're here, there's something about YOU that says, I'm going to control my own destiny, there's something about YOU, that when you pointed your fingers at your circumstances, you realized you had THREE pointing at yourself. I want to dedicate this to the ACHIEVER in you, to the GREATNESS in you, to the UNEXPRESSED GIFTS, TALENTS, & ABILITIES that you HAVE in you, that are HUNGRY to get out. If you want anything bad enough, go out and FIGHT for IT, to work DAY and NIGHT for IT, to give up your TIME- your PEACE, and your SLEEP for IT. ALL that you dream and scheme is about IT, life seems useless, and WORTHLESS without IT. And if you GLADLY SWEAT for it and FRET for it and PLAN for it, and LOSE all your TERROR of the opposition for IT, and if you SIMPLY go after that thing that you want, with ALL of your CAPACITY, strength and SAGACITY, faith, hope, and confidence, & STERN PERTINACITY, if neither, cold, poverty, famine, nor gout, sickness of PAIN, of BODY, and BRAIN, can KEEP you AWAY, from the thing that you WANT, if dogged and grim, you beseech and beset it, (if you keep believing in YOURSELF), you will get IT. "