Jalan Raya round 2 with le familia has begun, and I went all blue from last year's collection. Geared in a much comfortable heels and my new favourite flower bag, I'm pretty excited for what's in store today. Heh! Have fun and have a great Sunday ahead.
Berdandan cantik hias berseri,
Beraya bersama keluarga tersayang,
Walau penat di akhir hari,
Perut kenyang hati riang.
14th Syawal; We're entering the 3rd week of Aidilfitri but only now did my family and I have gotten the chance to go for our Raya house visits. As I had tutoring lessons in the morning, I started the day much earlier than the rest and I was honestly super sleepy and exhausted just by midday. And the heels weren't making this any better. Despite all that, I had so much fun talking and catching up with all the cousins and makciks. And the foods! Oh, the foods... From the first house till the last one, I was filled to the brim with oh so delicious mee goreng, nasi rawon, mee hongkong, nasi minyak, mee siam goreng, ayam goreng, etc. It was such a long list that I can't even remember what else had been served.
Anyway, the delicious foods aside and on a slightly emotional note, I realised that we shouldn't wait to meet our family member once a year, especially our older generations. They may have been distant family members but I realised just how much they treasured and valued the short moments we visited them. The smiles on their faces and tears when we left, it was heartbreaking to know that we might not see them again if we waited for another year. Every day counts for them and yes, this serves as a reminder for myself too.
Wells, that's about it. After a whole day out, it's time for me to hit the bed. Besides, I have another whole day out of Raya visiting tmrw and I really need to recharge. Goodnight and Assalammu'alaikum.
Tutorial on how to take photos like those professional instagram models: pick a site with flowers or trees (in my case it's by the walkway beside my fiance's block), pose feeling-feeling perempuan Melayu terakhir and take hundreds of shots until you find the perfect one. Or until your feet and photographer (in my case it's my fiance) can bear with you. Heee!
"She found heaven in his eyes. And for the first time in a very long time, she could feel the stars within her begin to shine." - Jessica Michelle
He's the only man, besides my father, who makes me feel pretty whenever I'm with him. He never fails to assure me and comfort me that I'm enough whenever I have those stupid anxiety breakdown. He had always accepted me for who I am, all my good and bad. And despite the distance nowadays, he had always been there. Always. And I cannot be more grateful. Happy Belated 2yrs and 3mths my love. May He ease our journey in this relationship till our official halal day together. I love you, always, forever and for the eternity.
Dalam kerendahan hati ada ketinggian budi,
Dalam kemiskinan harta ada kekayaan jiwa,
Dalam kelembutan lidah ada juga keterlanjuran kata,
Dalam gurau dan senda tentu ada khilaf dan dosa,
Mohon ampun dan maaf ke atas segalanya,
Halalkan makan dan minum sedia kala.
Syukur Alhamdulillah, HE has lend me yet another day and year to see my 26th birthday. As I turned 26, I realised that it doesn't matter whether my special day was celebrated or not. It doesn't matter whether there's cake, or even presents, as those things never last. What last and matters are the well wishes and prayers I received from my loved ones. As I aged a year, I've come to appreciate the time spent and memories made with the ones I treasure rather than the physical items itself. As said by Susan Smith, As long as we have memories, you'll never be apart, as long as we have memories, they will live on in your heart.
To my family members who are even more excited to celebrate my birthday than I do myself, thank you. To the love of my life @rasyidshutup, thank you for doing everything to make my day special. To my girlfriends @marmohamedali and @marican_s, thank you for surprising me under my block with the beautiful gift that I had been eyeing on for the longest time. And to all who had wished me, thank you.
I was clearing my wallet when I found my collection of passport photos, and it struck me how fast time flies. I can't help but to feel nostalgic as my mind flies back to my innocent days in secondary school, my polytechnic days, my first official job after chemotherapy and so on.
I can't help but to notice the innocence in the eyes of the barely 13 years old me, and how I missed it. Those eyes believed in happy ever after of fairytales that I once relished my heart in but as I grew older, I realised those were never real. I discovered that there was never a happy ever after and that this reality is more than just happiness. Those eyes, mind and heart went through a thousand different phase before they were finally able to understand that there's no definite in life. It will always be changing and she has to be stronger to adapt to living. I have to. Despite reaching 26 soon, I must admit that I've yet to master this thing called living and accepting. I'm still on the edge and I'm still struggling, but it's better. I've matured and expect less of life, and I've been able to be contented and grateful. And most importantly, I've learnt to sincerely love, respect and appreciate myself and others.
"Friends are medicine for a wounded heart, and vitamins for the hopeful soul." - Steve Maraboli.
Finally, after months of planning to meet up, we were able to make it come true and be as 3 once again! We had been apart for far too long that the very short meet up yesterday wasn't enough for us. We talked abt what had been happening in our lives, we laughed abt things that we didn't even have to say it out but we thought abt it all the same, we vent out our angers and we pacify each other. You girls had always been my listening ears and I am really grateful for your presence. Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do without you girls in my life. Anyway, despite yesterday, I still miss you girls like crazy and we better meet up soon! Also, coney island must happen before Ramadan. Hehe! I love you girls, to the moon and back again, to infinity and beyond.
It's been 2 weeks, or so, since I started this job and although I'm enjoying myself learning new things and meeting new people, I miss this one thing abt myself.
I miss those days I'm able to dress up prettily in colours and head out with my loved ones. I miss the luxury of time and energy I had where I would be able to spend my day out without having to worry abt dying out of exhaustion at work the next day. No, don't get me wrong. I'm enjoying my new job and I actually like that we have uniform so that I wouldn't have to break my head to think on what to wear to work early in the morning. And best part, my uniform is black. What could go wrong with black? But the thing is, I had always loved to dress up and express my individuality or feelings through the way I dressed for the day. I had always loved fashion and I can never not try smth new. However, with lots of changes going on in my life and with barely any time for rest, all of this had to be cut from my life for now. And I miss it. I really miss it. The fashion lady in me is missing it so much that I could break in a full crazy dance mode in skyhigh stilettos and super bright colours in the middle of town, or drown myself in glitters. Oh yes, ain't kidding you, I'm serious. I miss this side of me. #DiyanaAziz#throwback#lastevent#hijab#hijabi#fashion#dressingup#iwanttodothisagain#imissthis#imissme#randomrant#dontjudgeme#Nanablackrose2017
"Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star." - E.E. Cummings.
28 March 2017; Happy 2nd Anniversary my dearest love Abdurrasyid. It has been 2 years since we got together and despite all odds and challenges, we made it through this far. It has been bittersweet and it is exactly that that has strengthen our relationship and bonds with each other. Noone knew what we have gone through and sacrificed, noone knew our tears and laughters, noone knew our happiness and pains, and indeed we need noone else to know except us. We have each others back and that's all that matters to me.
You never fail to surprise me, picking me up from work with my favourite flower in hand. You're the only one who can make me feel so beautiful and special despite feeling exhausted and ugly from being on my feet for the past 10 hours or so. Thank you, thank you for all that you have done for me. You had always been my saviour, and no matter what superhero we watched and read about, you are and will always be my favourite hero. I'm grateful for everything and I look forward for many years to come, and especially end of this year. I love you Abdurrasyid, always and forever, and In Shaa Allah till our next life together.
🤗 Bismillahirrahmanirrahim; A new day and a new job.
The sun is not even up and I'm already out to work. It's been a while, really, to be up and about before the sun is out. When was the last time to be out this early? 10 years ago, when I was in secondary school? I don't remember but yeah, I think it was that long. Nevertheless, despite feeling pretty sleepy, the excitement of working at a new job and doing smth I enjoy keeps my adrenaline rushing and gradually driving the sleep away.
It's the second day and it's the start of smth new. Despite it being exciting and adrenaline rushing, anything with the word new (other than material stuffs like clothes, accessories, shoes etc, hehe) scares me. I'm not good with changes but I know change is smth that can't be avoided and I will need to get used to it. Things have been good thus far, and I hope and pray He will continue to ease me and my anxious heart in this new journey.
"It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like the morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living." - F. Scott Fitzgerald
It was supposed to be our happy day. It did, eventually, but my day didn't start out so well. A lot of things happened and I almost didn't want to go out but since you and I were both ready, I decided that it's best to just go ahead. You were very understanding, and most of all, loving. You did your best to make me smile and laugh, and it worked. I managed to find the hype to celebrate our special day again, our last one before we officially signed the paper, and it was amazing.
Power Rangers was amazing. Despite the bad reviews, we were both very satisfied with the movie. We were both like kids again, swooning at every action scene, and I felt like I entered your childhood days for a while. We didn't grow up together but I could see how adorable you were then. I wished I had meet you earlier - which means I could bully you more, hehe.
We had Macdonalds, because fancy food is slightly beyond our budget and I simply love the kimchi fries. Haha! I love our simple talks. You talked abt your brother performing and I can see how proud you are of him. I love that about you, the tough love towards your siblings but you would say it all out to me. I can see how you would be as a father in the future and I'm pretty sure you would make a great one, In Shaa Allah.
Also, thank you for accompanying me to shop for the stuffs I needed for my new job. I know it was supposed to be our anniversary date out but you understood how I needed all the stuffs by Monday, so thank you. Thank you for being so supportive everytime I'm about to start on a new journey. Thank you for always assuring my anxious heart. Thank you for always being there. I have no other words but thank you.
There's a quote somewhere online that states 'There's a point in every true friendship, where friends stop being friends and become sisters' but for us, we almost immediately became sisters. We skipped the friendship part, I think, and immediately became best friends. We clicked so fast that we knew we were destined to be best friends and sisters thousands of years before we were even born. She's the twin that God gave me from a different set of parents, the soulmate that thinks what I think and feels what I feel. And above all, she's one of the few that I trust wholeheartedly with my life and one I would kill for.
I've always loved modelling, and I did model once abt 5 years ago. It was an amazing experience and I had lots of fun. I had always wanted to try again but I don't really have the courage and self-esteem to apply, until now. My mama was the one who tagged me in this model search on Facebook and urged me to try. And so here I am, giving myself a chance.
Life's not perfect. Nothing ever is. As beautiful, charming or perfect something or someone may seem, there's always a side that reflects it's negativity or imperfections. We may not see it the first time but we will see it in time to come. But when we do one day see this side, what do we do? Should we pretend to not see it or should we turn away and run from it? This, is where you'll have to make a choice. But whatever your choice is, do keep in mind that you saw its beauty and charms first. If you could see its perfection then, why can't you see it now? Everything depends on how you choose to see it. There'll always be up and down, left and right, good and bad, success and failures, winners and losers, black and white, and etc. There'll always be a choice and it's up to you which direction you want to see it from.
As human beings, nothing is ever enough. We will always have something that we want even after achieving our first goal or dream. We had always chased one thing after another that we tend to forget to be contented of what He had blessed us with. We would always complained about the things that are so miniscule if compared to the sufferings of others, because we forget to be grateful.
No, I'm not saying that it's wrong to want something but I'm saying to be thankful of every little thing He had blessed you with. I'm saying to be grateful at how far you had come with His help and guidance. I'm saying to be happy because life is only so short for you to be sad and angry over. Take a few minutes and say thank you for all the things you have, loved ones, rooftop over your head, sufficient foods, and your life.
There's a thousand and one reasons as to why I love you and one of them is how you've never failed to make me feel beautiful. I could be all dressed up and face caked with make up or laying down on bed in hospital clothes, matted and uncombed hair, and not a dot of make up, and you would still stupidly call me beautiful. I would laugh or smile but deep inside, I am very grateful. As a girl with countless self esteem issues, that means the whole world to me.
I've never truly believed in myself. I've never thought that I am capable of anything, much less achieve anything significant in life. Also, a reason behind that is probably because I've never really wanted anything.
Not until now.
Those who knows me know that I have never wanted a specific career and I'm one who just follows where the wind blows. But no, not this time. I'm going against the wind, I'm fighting against the waves. This is what I wanna do and I'll never back down till I achieve where I wanna be. This is just one of the achievement I've managed to unlock and there's more to come. I hasn't come this far alone. So many people has guided and pushed me through to achieve this. No amount of thank yous could ever be enough to show how grateful I am. In return, however, I will be even better and guide others as how you all have guided me. 2017 has been an interesting ride thus far and I hope it will continue to be an amazing year.🤗 #throwback#DiyanaAziz#newyear#2017#morethanjustwork#itsacareer#achievement#moretocome#InShaaAllah#Nanablackrose2017
3 50 2
When you want to do your best but your body and health limits you.
It's just 5 days into 2017 and I'm once again hospitalised for the same health issue as almost 3 mths ago. My back gave way again and although it isn't as bad as the previous time, it still hurts nonetheless. Worst, I was running for my goals. I, for the first time, have a career to look forward to and just when I was at my best, this had to happen. It sucks. It really sucks and I don't know how to feel. But He knows best and I have faith in Him. May He gives me the strength to go through this and bounce back stronger than ever. Aamiin.
365 days just flew pass in the blink of an eye and now we're welcoming a new set of 365 days ahead. It hasn't been an easy year but it has definitely been a memorable and a fruitful one. Despite the loss of my loved ones who would always be in my heart and memories, I've met so many new people and experience so many new things. I've learnt to let go certain things that are beyond my controls and have faith in what He has planned for me. And most importantly, I've learnt to have faith in myself and love myself a little bit more.
2017 will be a huge year for me. My wedding aside, I have planned to do and achieve more than I ever had in the previous years. For the first time, I want to build and have a career. It's something that I never saw myself doing in the past but it's something that I greatly want now. It's not just a dream but it's an aspiration and I will work my hardest towards it.
On this note, I shall now bid goodbye to 2016. It has been a bittersweet year. You have taken 2 important lives from me and I will l always remember the last moments I spent with them. At the same time, you have given me so many new people to cherish and I'm truly grateful. I shall now welcome 2017 with open arms and pray for a better year. I know it won't always be a smooth ride but I hope to be a better person in this year to come. I look forward to what has been in store for me and I hope He gives me the strength and patience to deal with all that I am to face this year.
It was approximately 12 years ago when my gorgeous Simba was brought into my home. He was just so handsome (and he still is), so warm, so loving, and he bonded with me. He had always been there for me. Whenever I feel sad or anxious or angry, he would cuddle up beside me and kisses me until I feel better. When I was going through the worst part of my life that was going through chemotherapy, he was always there on my bed ready to comfort me when I got home.
However, when it's his turn to fight for his life, I couldn't do anything at all. I was hospitalised and can only wait nervously for any updates from my family members. Today, just as I was discharged and had just settled down at home, my family received news that his condition has worsened and we're to be ready for the worst. We rushed to the hospital and seeing him in that condition breaks my heart. I'm really not prepared to let him go. I've spend more than half of my life with him and I can't imagine a life without him. He has been my joy, my love, my comforter, my teddy, and to just suddenly have to let him go kills me.
I'm praying for a miracle and I asked of all of you to pray for my Simba too. Please pray for him to have the strength to overcome this.
It has been 4 days since I was admitted and I have no idea when I would be able to go home. My back feels a lot better, though there are some limitations to my movement. The things that are easy for me to do just a week ago, like bathing, sitting up straight, stretching, bending, etc, are now pretty hard and painful for me to do on my own. Thus I always remind myself not to take this little things for granted when I'm better. Besides, we should always be grateful for every single thing, both the good and the bad. So, Alhamdulillah. #DiyanaAziz#monday#hospitalized#slipdisc#gettingbetter#alwaysgrateful#alhamdulillah#Diyanasroadtorecovery#Nanablackrose2016
A Challenging Friday.
With all that has happened this week, it never crossed my mind that smth worst could happen. But it did. Without any prior tension or symptoms, my spinal disc just gave way when I sneezed. It's the second time it has happened, the first time being last year, but the pain is just so unbearable that I had to call the ambulance to help me as I was unable to move at all. Making matters worst, the service at the A&E was so terrible that it made me feel even worst than how I was already feeling. Finally, after hours of waiting, I've been given a bed and am slowly settling down. The pain is still bad tho, but I know it will be okay in time. Till then, I'll need to be patience, stay calm and strong, and just rest. I guess that's what I need most now. #DiyanaAziz#friday#hospitalized#slipdisc#challengingweek#hellofaday#exhausted#mayallbewell#InShaaAllah#Diyanasroadtorecovery#Nanablackrose2016